Tales of a Sleep Talker

When I woke up Saturday morning, my husband greeted me with a grin on his face and the dreaded phrase “you’ll never guess what you said last night.” Yes, I talk in my sleep. According to my husband, I blurted this out in a loud, very annoyed voice:

“You mean I’m not going to graduate because he wants to go to Leningrad?!?”

For the longest time I thought my husband was making this stuff up, but this time I knew he was telling the truth. I actually remember, quite vividly, the dream I was having. I was back at the University of Michigan registering for my final semester of classes. During a meeting with my advisor, he flippantly informed me that the last required physics course I needed in order to graduate was no longer being offered because the professor had decided to go to Leningrad for his sabbatical. I was furious. Of course, it makes no sense whatsoever. Couldn’t someone else teach the class? Wouldn’t they allow me to make a substitution? But in my dream, I either had to postpone my graduation, or – get this – I had to go to Leningrad! Retelling this made me laugh so hard I had tears streaming down my face!

Pretty much all of my sleep talking seems to take place after stressful events. Sure enough, Tuesday and Wednesday were spent getting bids from painters – one of my least favorite activities. On Thursday, the last person on my list stood me up, left me waiting around all afternoon. Apparently, all of my frustration worked it’s way out in that dream. This ranks right up there with the time I yelled, “Get the hell away from me!” while completely asleep. Of course, my husband thought I was yelling at him. For the record, I wasn’t. That episode happened right after a painter broke one of our new windows and didn’t want to pay to have it replaced. I’ve also sleep shouted “Like hell you will!” – right around the time our sheetrock subcontractor tried to weasel out of fixing his mistakes. Thinking about all of this makes me never want to tackle another home improvement project for the rest of my life. Can you blame me? Interestingly, my mom talked in her sleep, in much the same way, and one of my brothers admitted that he does it too.

So, those are my funniest, most embarrassing sleep talking moments. I’d love it if you’d tell me yours.

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